I don't know what to write and what to begin with. That's exactly the reason why I am here. I don't know what to write because I have been bombarded with so many thoughts,emotions,confusions and fears, not just that but also overwhelmed hopes and aims. I don't know what to begin with because they are not sorted out. I can't think or feel a particular something at the moment. Its like whatever is inside is having a war within myself. I'm continuously debating with myself and not being able to come to a conclusion, and there are so many unsolved disputes as such, coming and going, coming and going that I cant even keep a track of them and worse name at least one of them in a clear way. Clear enough so that I cant put what is bothering me. I cant make others understand because I don't understand it myself. I feel lost and stranded inside this war. Imagine standing weak in the middle of a battlefield, its haunting. There is big chaos, people are screaming, blood is shedding all over. Its a lot going on the same place. I have no idea where to look and how to react its just too much. But the sad part is? now what? what can I do about it if its too much?
Normally, I just hide which I have realized doesn't work. Even if I'm hiding inside my house that is escaping from the situation watching some funny youtube video or chatting to a friend and whatever, the war is still going outside. I come back at the same place again, I cant hide forever. Its a torture, I feel suffocated. And,I don't know how to deal with it.